I’ve been thinking about happiness. Specifically, what does it mean to be happy in these days when the news of the world is soul-crushing and heart-breaking? Is happiness an act of resistance or the fantasy of a privileged fool? That question feels much too big to wrestle with here.
For those who choose happiness, how do we get there? I don’t want to add a single thing to my life right now: not a system, a guru, a membership, a tracker, or a goal. Not a practice, a retreat, a writing prompt, or an accountability group. So, is it possible to subtract our way to happiness?
Let’s wonder and wander.
The Small Idea: Happiness is the Factory Setting, Not the Upgrade.
What if you don’t need to pursue happiness — you just need to remove the obstacles blocking it?
Nancy Martira
Clew Strategy
Remember when you got a new laptop and it worked perfectly? No networking errors, no draining batteries, no apps crashing. Those halcyon days before we gunked up our machines and our drives with spyware, cookies, registry keys, email attachments, and photos of the inside of our pockets. Before file corruption, spills and drops, and the planned obsolescence kicked in, it was just smooth, efficient operation right out of the box. According to Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer at Google X and author of “Solve for Happy,” humans are similarly designed with happiness as our default setting.
Is today the day to step off the wheel?
“If you understand that your default setting is happy,” Gawdat explains, “then there is nothing you need to bring from outside you to find happiness; you need to remove shit to be happy.”
Wonder Work subscribers are beautiful people, not craven materialists, but we all still probably have a list of things that would make us happy, if only we could wrangle them into our lives.
“If only I had a swimming pool . . . , if only I had a solid client base . . ., if only my best friends lived closer. . ., if only we had a butler (my husband’s greatest wish). . . etc.” Listening to Mo Gawdat helped me reframe my thinking: instead of thinking about what I need to add, the question becomes, “What do I need to remove?”
Gawdat’s perspective wasn’t born from privileged navel-gazing or daily meditation sessions. Despite reaching the pinnacle of career success and amassing incredible wealth by age 29, he found himself profoundly unhappy. After the tragic death of his 21-year-old son Ali, Gawdat was forced to confront the truth about happiness and develop what he calls “the happiness algorithm.”
The Happiness Paradox
Here’s the paradox that Gawdat identifies: we spend most of our lives pursuing things we believe will make us happy, yet happiness levels across developed nations have remained stagnant or declined despite enormous increases in wealth, convenience, and comfort.
So, what are we getting wrong? In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Psychologist Daniel Gilbert reveals how terrible humans are at predicting what will make us happy — a phenomenon he calls “impact bias.” We consistently overestimate the intensity and duration of happiness that future events will bring. Psychologists call this the “hedonic treadmill”—our tendency to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness despite major positive or negative life events.
“If you understand that your default setting is happy, then there is nothing you need to bring from outside you to find happiness; you need to remove shit to be happy.”
Mo Gawdat is the former Chief Business Officer of Google [X]; author of the bestselling books Solve for Happy; Scary Smart; That Little Voice in Your Head; and Unstressable; founder of One Billion Happy; and more.
Since we’re not any good at predicting what will make us happy, why not take a page from Gawdat and pursue less instead of more?
Our Brains Are Inclined Towards Negativity
Our brains evolved to keep us alive, not to keep us happy. Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson describes it in a way that could launch a thousand YouTube clips: “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” This negativity bias, our tendency to register negative stimuli more readily and dwell on them more persistently than positive ones, served our ancestors well when threats lurked behind every bush.
Positive experiences slide out of our brain like fried-eggs in a non-stick skillet.
But in our modern environment, this system backfires spectacularly. We fixate on the solitary critical comment among a dozen compliments. We ruminate on past mistakes while glossing over our successes. We worry about potential future disasters instead of appreciating present joys.
This is why Gawdat’s subtractive framework feels transformative for happiness: instead of working against our brain’s bias, we’re removing negative fuel to burn.
Five Unsexy Comms Projects
Even the most mundane assets deserve a strategic foundation. So while you're putting out fires, let me take some lingering chores off your plate. Here are five specific ways I can help with the projects no one wants to own.
Gawdat’s formula for happiness is deceptively simple:
Happiness ≥ Your Perception of Events − Your Expectations of How Life Should Be
When the events of your life meet or exceed your expectations, you’re happy. When they don’t, you suffer. Consider the most miserable people you know. Chances are that they have a skewed perception of events, and/or a wildly out-of-touch sense for how their lives should be. (This is not meant in any way to diminish systemic oppression and exclusion — sometimes people who feel like the deck is stacked against them are correct.)
The brilliance of this formula is that it gives you two levers to adjust: you can change your perception of events, or you can change your expectations. Most of us try to control events, a folly that is exhausting and often futile. Instead, Gawdat suggests we focus on the variables we can actually control: our perceptions and expectations.
I am not advocating for lowering your standards or becoming complacent. But it’s often worth digging in to challenge our own perceptions. Byron Katie has developed a process of self-inquiry that centers four questions; the first two interrogate perception. The next time you’re stuck on a negative thought, ask yourself, “Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” Byron Katie isn’t really my jam, but I find these questions incredibly helpful when I’m catastrophizing.
"The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones." - Rick Hanson, Neuropsychologist
As for questioning your expectations, my best advice is to examine your content diet. For a long time now, I’ve felt like all of the media around me is deliberately created to inspire panic, misery, and resentment that can only be soothed by overconsumption. Sometimes it takes a radical act to silence that noise and reset our expectations.
Curiosity
Daniel Gilbert, Harvard professor and bestselling author, dropped out of high school in Chicago at age 15. Along with some friends, Gilbert bought “a big 72-passenger school bus … ripped out all the seats and put in bunk beds and a wood-burning stove. Painted it DayGlo colors. And I think the side said, 'Blessed be, magical starship.'” After driving around America in the bus, Gilbert landed in Denver, where he worked nights as a phlebotomist and tried to become a science fiction writer. He attempted to enroll in a creative writing class at a community college, but the class was full. Since he’d already invested time in the bus journey, he signed up for the only available course left — psychology. Listen to his story here.
One Small Experiment I Tried
Mo Gawdat spends every Saturday in quiet reflection until 2:00pm in the afternoon. I decided to adapt this into a small experiment - see Silent Saturday below.
From the time I woke up on Saturday until 2:00pm, I didn't speak. I didn't engage with any screens; I didn't listen to podcasts or audiobooks or music. I just practiced being quiet in the world to see what would happen.
Photo Credit: Pure Julia/Unsplash
Here's what didn't happen: I didn't reach enlightenment after six hours of not speaking.
Here's what did happen. I noticed things around me more. I felt the dog's breath on my arm. The skin on my face felt dry and tight. I folded laundry and noticed a small stain on a t-shirt, an extra wrinkly pair of shorts. While cleaning the kitchen, my brain didn't take me on a flight of fancy to frolic in a Candyland of my own imagination; I was just more present cleaning the kitchen.
I let go of my to-do list. I wanted to call the pharmacy, respond to a text message, have a conversation about something with my husband, and so on. But since I had removed those things as possibilities, I let them go. It wasn't time to get things done. Instead, I started a new bargello project. In silence, I was able to complete the complicated foundation stitch without making any errors.
This was the biggest surprise: I ate less. Since I wasn't bombarding my brain, my eyes, my ears with content, I didn't feel the need to engage my digestion or sense of taste. I was content - but in the last 30 minutes, I started missing my phone.
I'm going to schedule Silent Saturday for myself with some regularity and see how things change as the experience becomes less novel.
The Experiment: Subtracting Your Way to Happiness
To test the idea that happiness is indeed our default setting, these two small experiments can help you create space for it to emerge.
Here are two small experiments to try:
Silent Saturday: If you’re overwhelmed by the idea of a silent retreat or just unsure how to fit one into your life, consider a mini version. Dedicate six hours on a Saturday or a Sunday to silence. Prepare the people you live with in advance. No conversations, no screens, no podcasts or music; just you and the ambient sounds of your environment. You can go about your daily life or just see what calls you. What thoughts or feelings emerge when you’re not constantly bombarding your brain with input? Use a small notebook to jot down observations if you wish, but otherwise, simply be.
The Stress List: Set aside 30 minutes with a blank sheet of paper. Then, list everything, no matter how small, that creates tension, anxiety, or unhappiness in your life. Once complete, divide the list into three categories: things you can eliminate immediately, things you can reduce or modify, and things you must accept for now. Take immediate action on at least one item from the first category. Notice how even small removals of stress can create space for your natural happiness to resurface.
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There’s something thrillingly subversive about Gawdat’s approach in our consumption-driven culture. Marketing constantly tells us we need more things, more experiences, more achievements, more subscribers, to be happy. Have we tested the inverse hypothesis?
The power of removal extends beyond happiness. Creative breakthroughs often come not from adding more elements, but from stripping away the unnecessary until only the essential remains. As Michelangelo says, (the artist, not the turtle), “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.”
In a world obsessed with more, embracing the power of less can feel revolutionary. By creating space in our schedules, our minds, and our physical environments, we can begin to restore our default settings.
What’s one potential obstacle to happiness that you could remove from your life this week?
And now for the Mystery Link!
You did it! You've made it all the way to the end of this essay. This week, we've got stories of people replacing/adapting the Dewey Decimal System. You'll see. So, which will you choose: Door Number One or Door Number Two?
(or buy me a coffee.) Meet Nancy Martira. I'm a brand strategist and communications consultant who brings endless curiosity to every project. If you've got a challenge that needs a fresh, unexpected perspective, let's talk!
Byron Katie is the creator of "The Work," a method of self-inquiry designed to identify and question thoughts that cause suffering. Her 2002 book, "Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life" (co-authored with Stephen Mitchell) outlines her methodology in detail and has been translated into over 30 languages. Katie's approach doesn't ask people to change their thoughts but rather to question them and recognize when they're not serving us well.
"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for it."
Communications consultant, brand strategist, & Wonder Work creator. Curious about everything from terrible orchestras to happiness algorithms. Feed your curiosity; starve the doom — one small idea at a time. Let's wonder!